11.13.2011

Nothing Ever Stays the Same

I try to keep this blog fun and lighthearted, (and mostly full of pretty pictures ;) since I am not much of a writer). I kind of want to talk about something more personal today though. What sparked this? I recently applied for an organization, and one of the questions we had to answer was an adversity we had to overcome and what we learned from it. Writing and reliving memories was painful, but actually somewhat therapeutic. For twenty-one years, I have coasted through my relatively simple and relaxed life. I've been so blessed to have had that for so long. Everyone has to deal with unfortunate situations at some point in their life, and mine happened this year. I had written out a very long recap of what happened, but felt that it might be too personal, and I just don't want to share everything right now. Earlier this year, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. I know breast cancer has a 99% survival rate and she will recover, but it’s still scary. She underwent several tests, a biopsy, and finally surgery to remove the tumor. This coming week, she will start her first of six rounds of chemo. I've been going home almost every weekend because of this, and it's hard to even express how I feel. I don't want to go home because of the sadness I'm expecting to feel when I get there, but I don't want to leave to go back to school on Sundays either. Around the same time my mom had her things going on, my uncle was diagnosed with a liver cancer. We knew it was pretty serious, but I thought surely he would beat it. Well, he ended up passing away a few weeks ago. This was the first time I had someone close to me pass away other than my dog last year, and it was rough. I don't even know how many times I asked myself, is this real? I just couldn't really believe it. For me, it hurt more to see other people's pain, especially my mom's. My dad was able to be a rock for all of us, and one of the things he said that really helped with the coping was that in life, every person has a number for when they will go, we just don’t know when it is. Sometimes you just need to hear the obvious because in moments of grief, it’s easy to forget things like that. I am a huge believer in fate, and always believe that everything happens for a reason, so while it’s been really tough, it’s helped put things into perspective and eased the pain of the situation. I also have a favorite quote that I always look to in order to remind me: “Everything that happens to me is the best possible thing that can happen to me”.  I wrote it out and taped it to my desk as a visual reminder when I first moved into my apartment this semester. It seems like such a little thing, but I look at it more often when things get tough, and it truly helps me be more at ease with everything. I really believe that having faith in something is so important; it gives you direction and something to lean on.  
Have you ever lost someone close to you?
How did you cope with it?

2 comments:

  1. What a moving post. I am so sorry to hear about your uncle and I know it must be challenging to see your mom go through those treatments. Yes, I have unfortunately lost people that are close to me, but what helps me is having a good support system of friends willing to listen or offer an encouraging word.

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  2. You're right that nothing ever stays the same. If that were the case there'd be nothing more to learn and nothing more to grow from. I'm sorry to hear that your Uncle passed. Like your Dad said, every person has a number for when they will go. I've had people close to me pass. I learnt that a way for me to cope with the pain and the reality of that person being gone... I gave myself time to mourn but I also tried to think of how wonderful a life that person lived. And so my tip to you is to flip the event of a passing. And rather, celebrate the life that person lived.


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